Clean Free Jokes

A few clean jokes I kinda like. Whaddya think?

1. A man is driving down the highway when he sees several penguins waddling along on the side of the road. He doesn't want to just leave them there, so he stops and puts the penguins in his car. Later that day, the man is pulled over by a police officer. The officer says, "sir, are you aware that those penguins are a protected species? I'll let you off with a warning this time but you need to take those penguins to the zoo." "Alright, officer, I will," says the man. The next day, the police officer sees the same man is driving down the same highway and once again, he has the penguins in the back of his car. The police officer pulls the man over. "Sir, i pulled you over yesterday and thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo." "I did take them to the zoo, officer, and we had so much fun that today we're going to the beach." 2. Three women die and go to heaven. They are waiting at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter tells them, "Ok, you can do whatever you want, but there's one rule: God is very fond of his pet ducks and lets them roam free around heaven. If you step on one, you'll be punished." The women get into heaven and sure enough, there are thousands of ducks all over heaven. A day later, one of the women accidentally steps on a duck. St. Peter appears with the ugliest guy this woman has ever seen and handcuffs him to her. Seeing the punishment that their friend got, the other two women try very hard to avoid stepping on any ducks. They manage to avoid it for two weeks, but finally, one of the women accidentally steps on a duck. St. Peter appears again with another extremely ugly guy and handcuffs him to the second woman. The third woman tries even harder to avoid stepping on the ducks after that. She avoids stepping on them for three weeks, then St. Peter shows up again. The women couldn't remember ever stepping on a duck, but figured someone must have noticed something that she forgot. This time the guy St. Peter brings with him looks nothing like the two ugly guys: he's 6' 6'', muscular, chiseled good looks, wavy blonde hair, baby blue eyes... St. Peter handcuffs this guy to the woman and she is overcome with happiness. "Wow, what did I do to deserve this?" she asks St. Peter and the blonde guy. "I don't know what you did," says the blonde guy, "but I stepped on a duck." 3. An elderly couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at a fancy restaurant when a genie appears next to their table. "I don't normally do this," the genie says, "but you two have been married for 50 glorious years, ever since you were both college students. That's a pretty big accomplishment, so I'm going to grant each of you a wish." The wife thinks about her wish for a moment and says, "I've always wanted to travel, but we never really found the time. I wish I could travel all over the world." The genie claps his hands and *POOF* there are plane tickets, train tickets, cruise tickets, and bus tickets to everywhere anyone could want to go. the genie turns to the husband and asks, "ok, what's your wish?" He thinks for a moment and says, "I wish I was married to a woman twenty years my junior." the genie claps his hands and *POOF* the husband is ninety. And of course... 4. A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "got any duck food?" "No," says the bartender, "this is a bar, we don't serve duck food." The duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back to the bar and asks the bartender, "got any duck food?" "No, I told you yesterday that we don't have any duck food." On the third day the duck comes back to the bar and asks the bartender, "got any duck food?" "Look buddy, we didn't have any duck food yesterday or the day before, we're never going to have any duck food. If you ask me that again I'm gonna nail your little webbed feet to the ground." The duck leaves. On the fourth day the duck comes back to the bar and asks the bartender, "got any nails?" "No, of course not. This is a bar, not a hardware store." "Good. Got any duck food?"

Public Comments

1. Very cute! Star for you!
2. lol great! love all of them!Xxxxx
3. fuuny
4. Some excellent humour you have there, very well done.
5. Wow u r so funny keep the jokes r cracking me up dude u r funny I am raotflmao
6. ahh lovely classic humour I liked the one about heaven and ducks the best :)
7. lol brilliant. pure class :D :D
8. Cute! these deserve a...(drumroll) STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!
9. VERY INTERTAINING!!!! I enjoy all of them
10. cool they were great they got me laughin especially d 1 about d couple who were married 4 50 years, noooo u kno actually d 1st, 3 were really really good, i read them 2 my mom and we cracked up, but u should have put d last 1 1st as a wrm up cuz it wasn't as good as d others
11. funny
12. i really like the third one