Clean Free Jokes

Birthday Jokes? It's my friends 12th birthday tomorrow and I want to make her a card with a funny joke. Does anyone know some funny jokes that I could use?

~~~~~BIRTHDAY....JOKES~~~~~~? what are some extremly funny birthday jokes for my brothers 14th b-day?

birthday jokes? anyone have any funny jokes, preferably birthday ones? thanks!

Birthday jokes? When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older. My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes - but where can you find a bloodshot tie? My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people's birthdays. She says she doesn't think people would like margarine as a present. It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds." That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards. Limestoner 62. Never thought of that one. That was good. lol haha thanks twinkle. Sidd hartha that was funny. gdc.3 That sure did make me laugh.

Please can I have some jokes about getting old on my birthday? It's my birthday today - a big one, but I won't tell you how big! Would love to hear some jokes about getting old, if you have any.

Anyone have corny birthday jokes? Anyone got some really corny jokes, preferably (but they don't have to be) birthday related, that they would like to share?

What are some 40th birthday jokes? My family and I are going to our neighbors 40th birthday and we wanted to write something funny in the card. Some jokes about being 40. Please & thank you!!!

Anyone have any good April Fools jokes for my sisters birthday? My sisters birthday is on April 1st, and I know its real short notice, but I would like to get her good with a nice prank. Any prank that you have seen, heard or done before that turned out good would be just fine. Could anyone help me out?

Why are birthday Jokes so Korny? I came up with one that might not be: Why did the cake dislike the birthday girl? She put his fire out! Whadduya think?

****anyone got any 26 year old birthday jokes i forgot my friends birthday please help***? please help forgot my mate birthday antone got any 26year old jokes to get out of the dog house...thanks all

good and funny 50 year old birthday jokes/poems? Its my moms bf birthday and he just turned 50. Please funny jokes and poems!

***26 year old birthday jokes. it was a close friend b/day yday i 4got any got any 26 year old h/bday jokes? please help 4got a birthday anyone got any jokes to get out of it a close friend turned 26....thanks to all that answer

What are some funny and wise jokes/sayings for a birthday card? Something like "I was going to include some money but I had already sealed the envelope," or "I am writing this very slow because I don't know how fast you can read."

know any birthday jokes?!? todays my birthday and i want to hear some jokes! the person who can tell me the best joke (birthday related ones would be cool) has a chance of winning 10 pts!

Funny Birthday Jokes or Pictures?? They're for my friend's tenth birthday and I need any CLEAN jokes or pictures to put on the movie I am making for her!!! (I am using Windows Movie Maker). PLEASE HELP!!! I need this by noon today!!

Corny birthday jokes? I'm making my friend a birthday podcast, and I wanted to include a really corny birthday joke. Any suggestions?

does anyone now any good latin jokes or birthday cards? i need ancient latin jokes for a birthday card. so it should relate to birthdays somehow. a site with e-cards would be good. but if u have a good one, just write it. please help. thx ps. i mean roman latin, not latino please put a translation

Funny birthday jokes? My friend's turning 13 andI wsnt to put a funny joke about birthday's in his card. give me FUNNY ones. funniest gets best answer! thanks!

Good 18th birthday jokes (Male - Cousin) ? Its his birthday today, am running late, need a good joke to put in card?? PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :)

Know Any Good DIRTY/ADULT Birthday Jokes? My Sisters turning 22 and i need some good jokes for this project im doing for her! Thanks!!

What are some funny birthday jokes that will make my dad laugh? I'm making him a card (i'm 12) and i really want a funny joke to go in it. i already have the song " happy happy birthday from all of us to you! We wish it was out birthday , so we could party too!" And he laughed.. i was going to use that but my sister stole it.. So anyone have any ideas? i dont want to offend him either.. he's turning.. 43 (: THANKS! I'm not going to buy him anything.. he likes when we make things ourselves.. I need a joke,.. AKA something to write in the card.. And please no cheesy ones.. i need one that will make him laugh.,. he's fourty three not two.. the monkey one will not make him laugh.. sorry.

Got any funny Harry Potter birthday jokes?

a few birthday jokes xxx funny or not xx? Q: What do you give nin-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday? A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it! Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday? A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!" "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Next time, take off the candles." Q: Did you hear about the flag's birthday? A: It was a flappy one! Q: Did you hear about the tree's birthday? A: It was a sappy one! Q: What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake? A: "Hey, what's eating you?" Q: Did you hear about the dancer's birthday? A: It was a tappy one!

50th birthday speech and jokes - Need help please? I have to make a 50th birthday speech for a very good friend. Any ideas on humour, jokes, one liners etc? Any help would be gratefully received. Thanks. By the way, the friend is a male. Thanks for all your help.

my birthday is on april 1st everyone plays jokes on me but this year i want to pull jokes on them can you help the theme of my birthday is jokes and pranks everyone play tricks on my birthday every year but this year i want to get back i need pranks to pull that arent messy but mean to pull on my friends at the party

Does anybody have any corny, SHORT birthday jokes that I can write in a card? Preferably Q&A type jokes sorry, I didn't mean to put it in singles and dating.

Whats a funny birthday joke for a 15 year old girl? Its my friends birthday tomorrow and I want to write some joke in her card... I did last year, I do for all my other friends too ha so yeah. I can't think of one this year, though. Thanks! :)

Birthday Jokes for turning 60? PLZZ ANSWER!? One of my friends is turning 60years old 2morro....i want to make a card because i forgot to get one at the storee!! so now im making one on computer..anny jokes about turning 60 that i can put on the card? like: "60 already? wow..60 years and u still dont _____"or wateva... thanks!

Good Birthday jokes for a poster.? i need something to put on my poster for my birthday party... something funny! i want something that would make someone laugh. and how do i make this funny....... "The Birthday Girl is Here.......... ME!" is that like not funny at all or is it ok? um please don't make any mean comments or anything else like that. Thank You!

More birthday jokes? Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin? A: "Hi, Buster." Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?" Q: Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards? A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks! Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue! Q: What did the big candle say to the little candle? A: "You're too young to go out." Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? A: Because it was marble cake! Man 1: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday." Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?" Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!" "Did you go shopping for my birthday present?" Yeah, and I found the perfect thing." "What thing is that?" "Nothing!" "I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you." "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?" "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"

Joke birthday gift does this make a good present? This is not a troll question, but it's my girlfriends birthday tomorrow, and shes pro feminist. Should I get her a ladle and a ironing board as a joke gift?

Short birthday jokes? When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older. My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes - but where can you find a bloodshot tie? My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people's birthdays. She says she doesn't think people would like margarine as a present. It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds." That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards. Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday? A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!" "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Next time, take off the candles." Q: Did you hear about the flag's birthday? A: It was a flappy one! Q: Did you hear about the tree's birthday? A: It was a sappy one! Q: What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake? A: "Hey, what's eating you?" Q: Did you hear about the dancer's birthday? A: It was a tappy one! "I guess I didn't get my birthday wish." "How do you know?" ? "You're still here!" Q: Why did the boy put candles on the toilet? A: He wanted to have a birthday potty! Q: What party game do rabbits like to play? A: Musical Hares. Q: What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday? A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it! "Did you go shopping for my birthday present?" Yeah, and I found the perfect thing." "What thing is that?" "Nothing!" "My birthday's coming" Do you know what I need?" "Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"

does anyone know any funny/rude birthday jokes? my friend is turning 16 and i want to send her a joke in a card as you know 16 is when you turn legal for sex (well in the UK anyway) so I want to have a rude/funny joke about that does anyone know any? cheers

More short birthday jokes - funny or not? Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? A: When it's been sliced. Q: How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? A: He has a whale of a party! Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin? A: "Hi, Buster." Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?" Q: Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards? A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks! Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue! Q: What did the big candle say to the little candle? A: "You're too young to go out." Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? A: Because it was marble cake! Q: What does a clam do on his birthday? A: He shellabrates! Q: How can you tell that you're getting old? A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? A: Angel food cake, of course! Q: What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? A: Shortcake! Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A: A birthday pheasant! Man 1: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday." Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?" Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!"

Another selection of Birthday jokes - funny or not? Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom! Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? A: When it's been sliced. Q: How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? A: He has a whale of a party! Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin? A: "Hi, Buster." Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?" Q: Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards? A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks! Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue! Q: What did the big candle say to the little candle? A: "You're too young to go out." Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? A: Because it was marble cake! Q: What does a clam do on his birthday? A: He shellabrates! Q: How can you tell that you're getting old? A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? A: Angel food cake, of course! Q: What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? A: Shortcake! Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A: A birthday pheasant! Man 1: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday." Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?" Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!" Q: Where does a snowman put his birthday candles? A: On his birthday flake! Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? A: Mice cream and cake! Q: What party game do rabbits like to play? A: Musical Hares.

moms birthday jokes? i need to know good reason for turning old juss kidding moms birthday and i want to make her laugh PLEASE respond fast b-day is tomorrow THANK YOU

40th birthday jokes!? My sister in law is turning 40 next week and im in charge of the cake!!! I want to do something funny.... anyone got any ideas on what i can put on the ccake any jokes i can write on the cake? I am getting the cake made at a cake shop but they dont have anything i like for this occassion so i thought id ask on here instead!!! Thanks in advance!

anybody know any good 65th birthday jokes?

Does anyone know any funny kid jokes to put on birthday cards?

In about an hour (UK time) it'll be my birthday. Got any birthday jokes/funny stories that've happened to you? Do you know how many other people I'll be sharing this birthday with? No, me neither. Well, best wishes to them all anyway! You lot (well certainly most of you) seem sooo nice! You've already made my day with your good wishes & it's barely started! I've starred as many as i can by way of a thank you. Hope you all have a nice day too. (Ooh, in danger of sounding too yukky here?!) Tell us a joke then...

Short birthday jokes - funny or not? When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older. My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes - but where can you find a bloodshot tie? My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people's birthdays. She says she doesn't think people would like margarine as a present. It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds." That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

Does anyone know a good 16th birthday joke I can write in my friends card? It`s my friends 16th birthday in a few days and I made a card with a picture of him on his snowmachine, but i dont know what I should write as a quote on the inside. I dont want to write happy birthday, have a good one! or something plain and boring like that. got any ideas?

A few birthday jokes - funny or not? Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine. "How old are you, ma'am?" asked Fred. "I'm not going to tell you that," she replied. "But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were." "Oh well," said Miss Jones. "I'm the same age as both of them." The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote: Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills. "Now remember, boys and girls," said the science teacher, "you can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year." Fred went home for tea and found a chocolate roll on the table. "I'm not eating that, Mum!" she said. "It's five years old." How old is your wife? Approaching forty. From which direction? An eminent old man was being interviewed, and was asked if it was correct that he had just celebrated his ninety-ninth birthday. `That's right,' said the old man. `Ninety-nine years old, and I haven't an enemy in the world. They're all dead.' `Well, sir,' said the interviewer, `I hope very much to have the honour of interviewing you on your hundredth birthday.' The old man looked at the young man closely, and said, `I can't see why you shouldn't. You look fit and healthy to me!'

Golfing with brother for his birthday- any good practical jokes- without ruining his fun day?

Jokes about the postal strike for a predicted late birthday card please?

21st birthday jokes/sayings? a friends of mine is turning 21 and i need a funny saying or joke to write on the card, any ideas, nothing inappropriate.

anyone know any short quick birthday jokes?

Do you have any nice birthday jokes? for both boys and girls. thanks! you'll get a star if i loved your joke!

I need, corny, SHORT birthday jokes, in Q&A format. Got any good ones?

corny birthday jokes? my dad is turning 55?

How many birthday wishes can I get? I am having a pretty lousy Birthday! and I was looking for something to try to cheer me up. Jokes, Birthday wishes, etc...

jokes ,,,Birthday gift? Man says to friend," l bought my wife ,a diamond ring and a BMW for her birthday,so if she doesnt like the ring she can take it back in her new Car" The other guy said," l bought my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo,,so if she doesnt like the slippers she can go F88k herself,,,!!!!! Does it matter all jokes start somewhere oik

Funny birthday card jokes? Im making a birthday card, and i need something funny to put in it shes turning 30!.

Got some jokes for my friend's birthday? Tomorrow is my best friend's birthday and I want to write some funny jokes in her card, but she knows all of mine...any jokes are appropriate, she likes them all....please and thankyou! The joke that makes me laugh the hardest gets best answer!

has anyone got any 50th birthday jokes please? best joke gets points

jokes for a birthday party? im going to a birthday party and i was asked to do a skit or a funny speech with my cousin. any ideas? i would like something that has to do with a 16 year old girl. it should be a funny skit or a couple long jokes

Birthday Present Jokes? John: it's my wife's birthday Peter: what's your gift to her? John: i asked her what she wanted Peter: what did she said? John: anything, as long as there is a DIAMOND. Peter: what did you gave her? John: playing cards

My friend is having her birthday party be a "Roast" party. I need some ideas for jokes.? Here's a little bit of a background on her. I've known her all my life, she'll be 28, she's short and has a big booty. She's divorced twice by the time she's 26. Oh, she once dated a magician and I want to incorporate that. I have a couple jokes already but I'm having a brain fart. Please help!!

where can i find free funny 50th birthday poems,jokes,sentiments etc.?

Does anybody know a good birthday present joke? I'm going to my friends birthday party and i have no clue what to get her. All i know is i wanna get her a joke present. Does anybody have any suggestions or know any good joke presents?. Thanks

Good birthday joke for a 14 year old? I want to write a funny b-day joke on my 14 year old friends card. What can I write?

I live in Cleveland. How should I celebrate my 30th birthday? No jokes please.? I am looking for suggestions on the finest restaurants, classiest bars and other ideas on how to spend my birthday with my husband and friends. Way to make a girl feel old! Seriously? I am not looking for "cheap" Morton's is actually one of my choices, thanks. Melt is one of my favorite places but I am looking for something a little more elegant for this particular occasion. But great suggestion, that place is amazing!! ooohh, I heard about Brasa! That I will save for my hubby's bday more his style but a great suggestion.

What is a funny birthday joke I am making a card for my dad who is turning 53 and it has to be funny cause thats what we enjoy. Give me any idea you want for the card and I will appreciate it. No joke is off limits, it just has to relate to birthdays or age.

Funny football jokes to put in birthday card?? I need a poem or a funny story about football for my 37yr. old dad thanks!

At my child's 4th birthday party the entertainer started telling sex jokes? what should i tel my child it ment without really telling him what it means

how to wish a happy birthday? my bstfrnd is a guy nd im a girl..he is miles apart from me.nd we joke alot with each other.v r in diff continents now nd i want to wish him a happy birthday online in such a manner dat he laughs nd enjoys his wishes...its gonna b his 16th...nd i want some funny poems/ quotes/ birthday jokes to rite on facebook nd also anything else i can mail him...all suggestions are welcome though!

Funny jokes for a 40 year old's birthday card !? its my friend's 40th birthday next week, and i'm trying to think of a funny joke/caption to put on the front of her card. needs to be something about getting drunk, getting older, getting laid etc...!

its my birthday tomorrow (21) anyone wanna send birthday wish or jokes?

I had quite the depressing birthday today--does anyone know any jokes or anything cheerful to say? I would appreciate it truly. :) Boyfriend has been an arse all day and not so nice and everyone seems indifferent--I actually wanted to do something today but everyone is off doing their own thing. I feel forgotten more than anything, by those that were supposed to care. Haven't even heard from my family or friends. Oh no--I got asterisks. Just know it's another word for "butthole". :D

what is the best birthday joke you have ever heard? my neices birthday and i need something funny but clean any takers for a easy 10 points

Wat gift should i give to my BFF on her birthday? Please, no jokes or pranks.?

what is something foolish to give someone as a joke for their birthday like toilet paper? my friend and i are making a comedy video and its her birthday in it, and we're thinking i should give her something really stupid such as toilet paper. what are some other stupid/funny things to "give" in the video? thanks :)!

One of my buddys just had his birthday ... give me jokes about getting old (he'll be 31)?

40th birthday.funny versus or jokes? i have asked b4 but its my friends birthday tomorrow.she is 40 and she is dreading it.give me a cool message or something to put in her card.she is a cleaning freak which we pick on her for and she matches socks colours with pant colours which we also pick on her for.she is good for a laugh.she has a little boy and a husband.she is blonde.come on give me something really good.star this question aswell so more people will read it please.thanx in advance.

What are some embarrassing dares u would ask a girl to do in Sentosa for her birthday? Is a 20th birthday and we could play a few jokes on her.. Tks for all answers.. =)

Know any good "One-liner" jokes.? Suitable for Birthday crackers ? They need not be that funny, but MUST be clean.! Silly knock-Knock type of (clean) fun.

Does anyone have any jokes about getting old that are appropriate for a 30ish year old guys birthday?

Are you willing to send a Birthday card to make a young cancer patient happy? Seven year old Shane Bernier is a brave cancer patient. His wish is to set a world record for receiving the most Birthday cards. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. Many people from around the world are sending cards to Shane. He doesn't need to hear about his cancer, just a sincere Birthday wish for a sweet little boy. His Birthday is May 30th, but we can start sending the cards now. What do you say is this a good way to use 'Answers?'. Shane Bernier Box 484 Lancaster Ontario CANADA KOC 1NO Put 63 cents on a regular size card to Canada. Thanks!

i need some good jokes for my freinds birthday..? her favorite joke is the one about the panguin who is having car trouble and brings it to a mechanic.. to kill time he goes and eats a bunch of ice cream (its hot out).. he makes a big mess of himself.. then he goes back to the mechanic and the mechanic says "well, it looks like youve blown a seal" does anyone one got jokes that would be funny to someone whos favorite joke is the blown seal one?? here is a link to the joke told better than i did with the limited room that answers gives me: http://www.anitarowland.com/journal/1999/082099.html